Humility Over Humanity
No matter what kind of hurt it is, one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was choose to let humility remind me that God is all I need when humanity was driving me to find “justice” for all the pain inflicted against me. When we’ve experienced an excess amount of ugly in our lives, humility can be a pretty tough concept to wrap your head around because it can feel like you’re just kind of letting life and people beat you up, but that’s where boundaries come in. I know for me, I struggle with relinquishing control and trusting people, so it’s difficult for anyone to get close enough to be in a position that something they did would effect me. So obviously those who are close to me cause disruption, the pain of that feels magnified because I feel I’ve done everything in my power to make sure this person wasn’t going to hurt me & now they have. It feels like the ultimate breech of trust & only magnifies my distrust in everyone.
When we let humanity run our lives it lets bitterness seep deep into the cracks, dumping gasoline on the fire of revenge and justice. Bitterness corrupts our judgement. It demands that we fight for justice at all costs. We turn cold & shut everyone else out of our life, trying to protect ourself. But in turn we are stealing God’s stage to let beautiful things happen. And let me tell you, beautiful never felt so ugly y’all. The biggest times of transformation & realization in my life have been when I am ugly crying in my closet, begging God to just fix things & just pleading with Him to help me hang on because life just feel freaking unbearable sometimes.
Pain is hard, sometimes very dark, and absolutely unbearable without God. But with Him, we make it through. We are able to hang on as long as we need to with Him with us. He loves us beyond words, even when we’re living a life that is the furthest from what He wants for us. He is always waiting for us. The more that we choose humility over humanity, the more we God will show Himself, or the more we will see Him I should say.
It’s astonishing & actually quite concerning how easily our vision can become clouded by the world around us. There are so many thing begging for our attention on top of the things that truly need it. Marriage, kids, work, a house, a car, endless other things that require intentional attention in order to thrive. But then on top of those things, we have social media, magazines, billboards, books, and all of these other things telling us these other things are important. Things like exercise, dieting, having an aesthetically pleasing home, our wardrobe, the list goes on forever. Are you having a panic attack yet? Because I am at the thought of all that. That’s freaking impossible to manage all of that & I haven’t even listed the most important one.
YOURSELF. YOU. ME. US. We have to take care of ourselves!
It’s often the last thing we ever think of & then we’re all drained and burned out and we just end up looking like a garbage troll & feeling like we were drug behind a semi cross country. Why do we do that to ourselves? I’m still trying to figure that out, because every answer I come up with just sounds like an excuse & I’m not accepting those any longer.
I’ve learned the biggest part of me taking care of myself is nurturing my relationship with God. Because time and time again, it’s the first thing to go and obviously I’m a first hand witness to the results. I stop prioritizing my reading and reflecting time because something else feels more pressing or more important in the moment. Then it happens a second day, then a third. Then it’s a week & soon I open my journal to start again and it’s been a year. Imagine that. And you know something else, when I read that last entry, I sounded so confident & happy. Which is the opposite of what I am when I start pouring my heart out on the page again. So I’m prioritizing this much more this year. Even if it’s the only thing I get done in a day, I will be proud of myself. Because I’m realizing, spending time in the Word & reflecting on what it means in my life at the current time fills my cup more than anything else I do. And hot diggity dog, I am ready for a year where my cup is full & overflowing, aren’t you?